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This video should under no circumstances be watched by people leading a contented sexual life.( They should better watch these photos.)



P.S. Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

I mean, I've read it recently in one of the blogs:

I absolutely hate mushrooms. I simply cannot stand them. In addition to looking disgusting, they have a simply revolting squeaky texture when you eat them. The thought of eating them makes me feel sick. And yet they are everywhere, and in everything. Almost everyone I've spoken to cannot understand why I don't like them, and they seem convinced that if I keep trying them, sooner or later I will grow to like them.

It is more likely that they will grow on me before I grow to like them. I'll never like them. In fact, the only mushrooms I'll ever be able to live with are the toadstools that the Smurfs lived in.

What would he say, if he watched this:

An old British lady was travelling to Korea with her Irish terrier.She went to the restaurant and ordered "The Hot Dog",as the cheapest meal.An hour later the waiter told her,"Madam,you didn't specify whether you want your dog boiled or roasted,so our chef made ragu..."

Here's a bit of some funny deadly music which I found quite unexpectedly for my own self. The music in this post is played by quite crowdy bands and has a bit in common, so let's move on.

Stage 1.
All the thing started with someone posting a tune with a quiz "What band is it?"

This one was the song and I immediately loved it as these people managed to mix the unmixable: gothic female vocals, swinging rhythm and some riffs with undoubtedly metal roots you hear on the background. Here you are Diablo Swing Orchestra, an avant-garde metal band from Sweden.

Though other songs on this The Butcher's Ballroom album are less eclectic and are not so firtsightingly cute.

Stage 2.
One guy then offered a similar artist to compare with(or compare to?), even it was not even close, in my opinion, I liked it as well. These Cherry Poppin' Daddies also seem to mix styles but not so anthipatic. They are more a bit jazzy swing with a small drop of latino and a good measure of ska. Look at them, aren't they authentically cool:



Stage 3.
While looking for the Daddies' albums I found another "daddy". Though they are called Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, they are neither. Maybe with an exception of "Daddy".

Their music is soft and harmless, like the Russian Bravo band. I downloaded three albums and haven't quite listened to them, the only thing I can say, it is quite good easy listening and dancing. The swing as it should be mixed with smooth and, of course, swingy ballads. This Beautiful Life album is a treat!


Yes, what's next then?

Stage 4.
And finally! Ladies and gentlemen, this is big, bad and voodoo indeed.

When I was writing this post I discovered that the band has recently (shit, in 1999!) released their first album and that there are not many photos of them available when you search by Google. I've found few.

Geeezz, the singer is black! This explains everything. That is why these Fireballs are called Atomic and in fact they can be used in place of atomic powerplant for energy supply of a small town. That's why when John Bunkley is singing his Lover Lies, the ghost of Tom Waits (who is, thanks God, not dead yet, and even not black himself, but he knows a lot of how to sing such things) seems to stand behind his left shoulder.


P.S. If a track doesn't play, refresh the page.

This is the product of joint efforts. My paltalk friends: ua_wizard, ali, triviologist
helped me compose lyrics to the song I'm about to present here. The
singer, that is me, is unbelievably shitty and the quality of the sound
leaves much (very much) to be desired. But, come on, I'm not a
professional musician. So fuck it!

   I'd like to sincerely thank my friends for giving my stale imagination a kick in the ass. Now, guys, hate me! AND CHEERS!





Everybody hates me and I don't know what to do
The bottle was half-empty and I still don't have a clue
They wished I'd be run over by a car or even a truck.
And to their perfect good luck,
I was found dead in Hyde Park

And I wake up in the morgue, yeah
To the sound of drilling rock, yeah
My heart's lying on the scale, yeah
My complexion is so pale.

I'm lying on the gurney, the pathologist is high
He doesn't even notice shiny tears come to my eye
He's so enthusiastic about tearing me apart
I don't know what he hopes to find
But I think I'm losing my mind.

And I wake up in the morgue, yeah
To the sound of drilling rock, yeah
Realizing that's my head
I'm not happy to be dead.

I was able to find only 20 changes of the 21 ones. Be sure it took me more than one try to notice. So, I hope you'll be more lucky

Навеяно Дядей Реймандом Мёрфи и тетей Крыловой:
l had an uneventful simple past as a child. of course i had some past perfect moments but those were few and when i tried using my active voice i was frequently and rather imperatively told to shut up and get back into the kennel which i shared with a one-eyed chihuahua. as i grew older i realized that, in all probability, i was to become a zero article in life‚ especially as i watched my former classmates turn into hard boiled businessmen and drive superlative cars. i first got married when i was 21, and soon after the wedding i got henpecked and, as a consequence, ended up with a rather passive voice. I divorced her a year later partly because our fights grew more and more Continuous over time, partly because she found some longlimbed appended modifier in the form of a goodlooking young boy who she used to know in the past, i secretly suspected it was her future in the past plan.
the three years that followed saw me binging on vodka in conjunction with other softer alcoholic beverages.
then i got married for the second time to a girl i found most sexually appealing and she got pregnant almost after the wedding, no doubt, thanks to my imprudent use of my infinitive without the particle "to". we spend almost a week discussing a complex subject of whether she should keep the baby. Nine months later she gave birth to a complex object called daria alexandrovna, whom I fell in love at first sight. all of a sudden my life started to make sense and my second wife demanded a divorce. now i'm living alone struggling through the endless string of sentences in the Second Conditional.

And now is something completely different…

This is the real stuff, folks. The most honest, sincere and trustworthy genre, the soul of a man, the devil’s gift. It ain't nothin' but a good man feelin' bad. It’s the blues.
We are not Wikipedia, so I will not dwell on biographies and discographies. Each name will be a link and you’ll find much and many more, if you want to. The songs selected especially to support the deadly flavor in here.

This first personality is more known as a producer of good music. Sometimes it’s “deadly” (see below), sometimes – not (see Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss), but his own True False Identity album is the best release of 2006. And you take my word for it. T Bone Burnett and his modern white man blues in its best reincarnation:


The other white blues player is known for everyone. Although not everyone reckons him a Blues man. Eric Clapton has his style, acknowledged by the black brothers, but I tend to believe, that no white man can really play the Delta blues. Clapton’s complete album – Me and Mr. Johnson is a tribute to Robert Johnson. The blues man who sold his soul to the Devil. There are only two photos of him, by the way, but his songs for Americans are, I guess, like Kalinka-Malinka for Russians – easily recognizable and immediately identifiable. If you know what I mean, you should remember They’re Red Hot (performed by RHCHP) or Come On In My Kitchen. Here is another Robert’s (and the Devil's) blues, performed by Clapton.

Strangely a Johnson was the black blues player guy met by Ulysses Everett McGill and Co. in a perfect movie by the Coen brothers – O Brother, Where Art Thou? – on their Odyssey in quest of unknown treasure. The movie soundtrack is produced, by chance, by T Bone Burnett. In fact it was the other Johson – Tommy Johnson, another soul-to-devil trader (no suitable photos of him for this reason).

Next guy is himself a legend. More of a folk’a’country style, but his recent album (I was sure he’s dead!) – A Stranger Here - sings the real blues. The way Ramblin' Jack Elliot plays this song by Reverend Gary Davies makes you believe that Death don’t have vacation, really… but blues men somehow cheated him… and the Devil as well.


And now – the King, rather the Ace. B. B. King. His One Kind Favor is a luxury compilation of blues classics (produced by T Bone Burnett… again!) The opening song by Blind Lemon Jefferson – the Texas style – should be put on vote to become a hymn of this cozy community.


P.S. John Lee Hooker’s Don't Look Back album is worth listening to as well, even for those who think of old blues as of old fashioned clumsy sound – the sound is perfect.

The blues makers, mentioned above:

A day or two ago I turned on the TV, only to see again someone absent who ruled the world, or rather the biggest part of it, for the last eight years or so. Actually, he didn’t…. being just a puppet in one’s hands. We all are more or less puppets. But it is beyond my topic. As you may guess, I am talking about George Walker Bush, the USA’s President.

Was he good or bad? I think he wasn’t a good ruler as his policy – or his patrons’ – brought about …..I can’t find any word for that but a great disaster.

The irony of it is that I still reckon him to be a good man, or rather not bad. I can’t see a glimpse of evil on his face in every sense of this word. Yep, he is rather a fool. He is not considerate etc. I’m sure you’ll find a large number of other defects of his. At any rate, he is not a villain. However it doesn’t mean that I really like him. Not at all! What I like is Bush’s ability for creating funny ‘accidents’. Remember – Iran/Iraq, throwing boots and so on. He would have been a great comic. Alas, he didn’t. He became the President.

Here are some pictures I risked collecting for some time. They are accompanied with some remarks I made up. So, relax, everything will be ok.

Starting April 30 I'll be singing this beautiful song for my little sweatheart every other night. It really works wonders.



We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,
And we're cheerful all day long.
If someone said that we were sad,
That person would be wrong.

We visit people who are sick,
And try to make them smile,
Even if their noses bleed,
Or if they cough up bile.

Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,
Hope you get well soon.
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,
Have a heart-shaped balloon.

We visit people who are ill,
And try to make them laugh,
Even when the doctor says
He must saw them in half.

We sing and sing all night and day,
And then we sing some more.
We sing to boys with broken bones
And girls whose throats are sore.

Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,
Hope you get well soon.
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,
Have a heart-shaped balloon.

We sing to men with measles,
And to women with the flu,
And if you breathe in deadly germs,
We'll probably sing to you.

Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,
Hope you get well soon.
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,
Have a heart-shaped balloon.

If you haven't heard this audio series yet, you I have been missing a lot.
This unforgettable voice belongs to Tim Curry
And the book he's reading is the best non-children's book I've ever read. I suggest you listen to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watc...
http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Quite a nasty way to start one's morning I should say. Read more

A man walked 34 days home to join his 70-year-old mother for the Lunar New Year celebrations after his money was stolen in a railway station, the Dahe Daily newspaper reported Tuesday.

Li Haitao, 30, a migrant worker from central China's Henan Province, walked more than 800 kilometers from Beijing to Zhengzhou between Feb. 3 to March 9 to spend the Spring Festival with his mother, said the newspaper.

It was surely too late as the Spring Festival, the most important occasion in China for family reunions, fell between Jan. 25 and Feb. 9.

Li found his 2,000 yuan (292 U.S. dollars) in his pocket had been stolen before he paid for a ticket on Jan. 21 at the railway station of Baotou in north China's Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region, where he worked as a welder, said the paper.

His identity card, electrician's certificate and mobile phone were also stolen. He called the police but the police did not catch the thief, reported Henan Business News, another major newspaper in the provincial capital of Zhengzhou.

Henan Business News reported the penniless man was then sent to a local rescue station. Li was given a ticket to Beijing on Feb. 1.

"I arrived in Beijing on Feb. 2. The police also sent me to the rescue station," he said. "But they only provide food and accommodation," it reported him as saying.

After staying in the rescue station for a day, Li chose to walk home, and picked up and sold empty mineral water bottles on the way in order to get money to eat. He slept during the day because it was too cold to sleep at night with only a blanket in the open air, reported Orient Today, another newspaper in the capital.

He arrived in the provincial capital Zhengzhou at 8 a.m. Monday morning when the police found the unkempt man with a pair of worn-out shoes, said Orient Today.

The police gave him the money to buy a ticket home. Coincidentally, he met a bus to Xinmi City and the driver gave him a free ride after hearing his story, the newspaper reported.

I absolutely love pets and but I'd rather keep them in secure areas lest they should attack my neighbours that's all there's to it. What do I mean by "secure areas"? Hmmm, this

some food for thought

I no longer wanna be a lower...after reading this absurd stuff.. in any country
post just a bit from http://www.lingvofanclub.in... (all the rights reserved)))

Disorder in the American Courts

It would seem that not only are funny things said by school children but by lawyers as well. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the 21 old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Check him out: 282lbs= 128.18kg.

I wouldn't like to follow him round with a poop scoop though!

Guess how this band is called? I bet you won't!



Here is a couple of songs from their 2008 Red Of Tooth and Claw album.