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Hello! How are you doing?

Have you heard about "English speaking community" on http://chatter.ru ?
It's an english-speaking chat. You can practise your English there.
Please, take a look at this.

An old British lady was travelling to Korea with her Irish terrier.She went to the restaurant and ordered "The Hot Dog",as the cheapest meal.An hour later the waiter told her,"Madam,you didn't specify whether you want your dog boiled or roasted,so our chef made ragu..."

One of them is undoubtedly Engish, the other is absolutely American. The latter apparently detests gays, the first is unmistakeably gay himself. The both sing songs, only one rather reads them, the other - performs. One M's poetry is sharp, tearing apart, maliciously funny and truthfully obscene. The other M uses sophisticated vocabulary and synonyms hardly currently in common use, but sometimes is just as much obscene, as the first. The one is a hit maker and the top of charts, the other used to be someone of the kind (not even close in chart climbing, though), but now is unrecoverably old fashioned. One M's natural habitat is the dead city of Detroit, the other's - a Scottish castle. One of them Ms duets with Lyudmila Zykina and Boris Grebenshchikov, and pays tribute to Serge Gainsbourg, the other has a producer-friend called Dr. Dre and was officially recognized by the black community as black. They both make music, anyway, and, in fact, they have something in common... They both recently came up with new albums, one recovering from a heavy motorcycle crash, the other - from heavy abuse of "sleeping" pills...

These are:
Marshall Bruce Mathers III, the way he is


and

Peter Mark Sinclair Almond, spurning lovers :)




P.S. They do have something in common - I like what they both do in music, strange ways, aren't they. My advice in "the best" albums:

Eminem -
The Marshall Mathers LP;
The Eminem Show:

Marc Almond -
Fantastic Star;
Open All Night:

P.P.S. Sorry for misuse of articles.

Did you know that smell of death can point to murder time? Some mad scientists decided to experiment with little piggies and this is what they have to say about the putridity of human flesh.

Guess how this band is called? I bet you won't!



Here is a couple of songs from their 2008 Red Of Tooth and Claw album.

10 They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
09 This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
08 Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!
07 I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.
06 I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
05 I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?
04 Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
03 The coffee machine is broken.
02 Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.
01... in Jesus' name. Amen. 

 Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your spit off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a *plop*.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed, aching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom.

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Wellhung: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off you glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

 

 The limo has 26 wheels and can be driven rigidly or adjusted to bend in the middle around corners. This incredible car is currently in the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest car in the world and even has two driver’s compartments – one at each end – to help with reversing.

The longest car in the world is better equipped than many Hollywood mansions, including luxuries like a large Jacuzzi tub, a sun deck, a helipad, a swimming pool (with a diving board of course), a king sized bed and a satellite dish, just to name a few.

While the limo isn’t actually street legal, it is mainly hired out for exhibitions and to be used in movies. Could you imagine a 100 foot limo driving around your neighbourhood? Only in America!

When Natalya M. was rushed to a hospital in Voronezh, Russia, the doctors didn’t believe their eyes – the woman had a gigantic skin-fat growth on her belly that didn’t let her walk normally. It was 36 inches long and weighed 125 pounds.Natalya was overweight since 13, when she had hormonal disturbance. She tried all the existing diets, visited hundreds of doctors, but with no result. Years passed as her belly was growing larger and larger. Finally it became so huge that the woman literally had to stump it to make a step.Oleg Strigin, the head of the department of surgery of the hospital, where the woman was rushed, said they don’t do such complicated surgeries often. He said there are 4 levels of the belly-growth: the inch of more than 4-inch length belongs to the 4th level. We’ve never seen the growth of 36 inches!The growth-removing surgery lasted for many hours. The surgeons removed fat the weight of a grown-up woman! Later the surgeons showed Natalya what she was wearing. The woman was shocked and deeply grateful to the surgeons for having saved her life. Natalya has always dreamed about having a baby. Now her dream may come true. She is starting a new life. Only pictures of her old body and the scars on her stomach mind her of her previous life. 

 

 This Dog named Faith, who was born without two front paws travels to America with his landlady Judy Stringfelow.

 The tradition of decorating Easter eggs was prevalent among the Slavs, but the most celebrated Easter egg is the Ukrainian Easter egg.
The Ukrainian name for Easter eggs is pysanky (pronounced pis-san-key).

Anna Davis, 38, was out walking when her playful dog Wispa leapt up and pawed her chest.
The teaching assistant told The Sun: "My breast hurt - and I felt a lump.
"If Wispa had not jumped up, I might not have found out in time. I owe my life to her."
Surgeons removed the lymph nodes of Anna, from Tewkesbury, who is now in remission after undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
Experts believe the actions of Wispa could have been intentional.
Claire Guest, who works for Cancer and Biodetection in Dogs, said: "Our studies prove dogs are able to distinguish the smell of cancer cells."

Police who pulled up an overloaded lorry in China were amazed to find the driver had no hands.
The lorry was stopped for carrying five times its permitted load of six tonnes, reports Bandao Metropolis News.
"When we came to the cab window, we were surprised to see the driver was handless," says a Jimo city traffic police spokesman.
The driver, Zhang, was handling the unadapted lorry with the stumps on his wrists - and didn't even have a driving licence.
Zhang insists there is no problem with his driving, and that the only reason he has no licence is his disability. His hands were blown off by firecrackers when he was 12.
"I went to six driving schools, but none of them would take me as a student," he said. "I drive very well, and took part in racing games before."
After graduating from university, Zhang couldn't find a job because of his disability, so he opened a beverage company in Qingdao city.
He employs a driver to make deliveries - but sometimes had to stand in for him when he is absent because of illness.
Zhang asked for leniency from the police, who finally only gave him a £15 ticket. He risked a fine of up to £150 and 15 days in jail.
He has promised he will never drive again.

A US lawyer who placed an obituary notice about his friend as an April Fools' Day joke has admitted it was an "immature mistake".
Peter Segall, a public relations executive and lawyer, placed the notice about former US ambassador Edward Gabriel in the Washington Post.
The gushing tribute appeared with a photograph of Mr Gabriel who was US ambassador to Morocco from 1997 to 2001.
"Though I no longer have you as my partner, this day will always be OUR anniversary... I could never quit you," the ad read.
Mr Segall, who has since paid for a retraction in the newspaper, described himself as a mature man who made an immature mistake.
"I engaged in a very stupid and ultimately cruel April Fools' joke against a man that has been my best friend for 30 years, and I deeply, deeply regret it," he told the Washington Post.
Mr Gabriel said he fielded calls all day from friends who thought he had died. One woman told him she spent two hours crying after seeing the ad.
"He's an old friend who plays jokes on me every year, and some are hilarious, but they've been private," he said.
"He's a good friend who went a little too far. He's apologised profusely, and I've accepted it, but not without being a little hurt. I think - I know - he had no ill intent."